


Unchained Melody (April Fools 2009 "Only the Beginning" parody chapter 13 1/2)

by Siriusfan13



Series: Spinoffs and parody fics of lolo popoki's "Only the Beginning" [2]
Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: April Fools' Day, Companion Piece, One Shot, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-01
Updated: 2009-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25543753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriusfan13/pseuds/Siriusfan13
Summary: This is a companion parody piece for lolo popoki's excellent "Only the Beginning."  In her piece, Kenshin has passed on, and Hiko is learning to deal with the pain.  This was a parody chapter written as an April Fool's Day joke back in 2009, and it takes place directly after "Chapter 13" of her story.  This is complete parody, meant only as April Fools silliness, so please do not take it as canonical in any way, shape or form.  I was just having fun being ridiculous here, because I could.  In order for this to make sense, you really have to read "Only the Beginning" at least through chapter 13 (and really, it's good enough that you should read it anyway.  I will link its fanfiction.net home.  This chapter is posted as her joke Chapter 14 on fanfiction.net, and is posted with permission here, since it was a joke gift to her:)
Series: Spinoffs and parody fics of lolo popoki's "Only the Beginning" [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849060
Kudos: 1





	Unchained Melody (April Fools 2009 "Only the Beginning" parody chapter 13 1/2)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lolo popoki](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lolo+popoki).
  * Inspired by [Only the Beginning](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/656758) by lolo popoki. 



> Disclaimer: I own nothing Ruroken, PMK, Ghost, the song "Unchained Melody," or the fic "Only the Beginning."

Only The Beginning (April Fools 2009 parody chapter, written and posted with permission of "Only the Beginning" creator, lolo popoki)

_ Chapter 13 ½: Unchained Melody  _

Hiko wasn’t sure how late he had slept. All he knew was that when he’d waken up the next morning, the previous night was only a very blurry memory fighting for precedence with the katana being driven into his skull. The great swordsman had never actually been hungover before.

He didn’t like it.

He also didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t quite sure where Kenshin was. Now that he was (mostly) sober, it was occurring to him that things had gotten just a bit  _ too  _ mushy last night. What if the baka got the wrong idea? He  _ was  _ a girly little bugger…

Hiko grunted at that thought. Ridiculous and inappropriate. Only crazed females with too much time on their hands would think of something as creepy and just plain  _ wrong  _ as that… And anyway… Kenshin wasn’t tangible…

_Kuso…_ _I wish I could remember just what I said last night. All I can remember is blushing a lot and getting tucked in…_

Much to his discomfort, Hiko blushed again.

To take his mind off of these disturbing ideas, Hiko had begun working on his pottery. Specifically, nice, manly sake jugs. This was the third one he’d tried today… (he had been too drunk and hung-over to make anything other than a couple of deformed pinchpots earlier).

With everything on his mind, the very last thing he expected was to sense a very strong ki making its way up the mountain… again. Once again, it was not Kenshin (of course), and this time it wasn’t Katsura either. Who the hell is it now?

He didn’t look up. It would be at least another few minutes before the owner of the ki arrived. He was probably just a lost traveler. Or another escapee from Kyoto. These days, there were a lot of those types. They weren’t worth worrying about.

Hiko dripped a little more water on his sake jug.

Anyway, if the ahou decided to try anything, he’d wind up looking a lot like Kenshin, only this one wouldn’t get sake on his grave… and he sure as hell wouldn’t have permission to haunt anyone.

The ki continued its approach. By the time it made its way to the clearing, Hiko’s nerves were on edge. Something wasn’t right about this. Still… he wanted the attacker to make the first move.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, the ki approached. When he was directly behind, the swords master finally prepared himself to attack. Suddenly, a hand was gently laid on his shoulder. A chin gently rested on his head…

What the fuck?!?

He tried to attack and found that he couldn’t move.

What the hell was happening? Who the hell was this? For that matter, he twitched, where the hell was this music suddenly coming from? It sounded like someone was singing in his head about lonely mountains gazing at stars…

He managed to turn his head to see his “attacker”. Of all people, it was a bloody Shinsengumi wolf wearing what looked like fishnets on his arms. He looked as if he were on laughing mushrooms.

_ That’s it! Kenshin drugged me last night. He put mushrooms in my sake as payback for… well… his childhood, I guess. I’m just hallucinating.  _ Hiko twitched again as the wolf started making pottery with him (and basically squashing the pot). _ Just hallucinating. Good. _

The music in his head got louder and more irritatingly sappy as fishnet-san dragged him up to dance. The hulking swordsman really wished he had control of his body at the moment. This was way beyond creepy. Hiko had to admit that Kenshin had one-upped him with this one (Not that he planned on admitting it to the baka’s face, but still…). He would need years of therapy (or a few gallons of sake) to get over this one. Nothing could be worse than this. He was sure of it.

Then the wolf leaned in, smiling gently and whispered in a soft, almost inaudible voice, “Wait till we get to the yaoi, Shishou…” There was a wicked gleam in the wolf’s lavender eyes.

Yaoi? Shishou?! Hiko blinked. Wait… lavender eyes?!?

That was his last conscious thought before blacking out.

_ \------------------------------------ _

It was late in the afternoon, the sun high in the sky, when Hiko woke up. He was asleep in the hut, as sake cup to his side. Blinking in confusion, he looked around, trying to remember why he thought he should be outside.

Then it came to him, and he tried very, very hard to forget.

It had obviously been a dream. The result of far too much sake. But, kami, had it seemed so real. He would never be able to look at Kenshin right again. Or any of the Shinsengumi if (kami forbid) he ever ran into one…

\---------------------------

In a small inn at the center of Kyoto, a wolf woke from a troubled sleep. He’d had a terrible dream about Battousai… or rather Battousai’s ghost. He shook his head, feeling tainted by the memory of the ghost inside of him. But why would he dream such a thing? He glanced down at his arms, a sinking feeling choking him. And for that matter… why did he have fishnet stuff on his arms?

\----------------------------

Kenshin smiled to himself, as he hovered around the door of the shack, listening to the disgusted moans of his shishou.

_ Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it Shishou? _

**OWARI**

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: First of all, a great big thank you to lolo popoki for giving me permission to play in her world (and post this chapter on AO3)! Second, the scene is pretty directly ripped off of the 1990s movie, Ghost. If you've never seen it, at very least look up the pottery scene, and you will understand this much better. The Rita Miller reference is also from Ghost, as is the story title. The reference to Saito with "fishnet sleeves" acting like some kind of medium is a reference to Saito's character in PMK (Peacemaker Kurogane), who has the ability to do paranormal things like talk to ghosts (and is dressed... uniquely in the manga). He's the perfect "Rita Miller" character for this parody.
> 
> Finally, this is the first story I've posted on AO3 that is not directly from my own fanfiction.net account. My goal is to get all of my fanfiction on here from all accounts where I've posted if possible, including gift fics that I've asked to repost here, co-authored works, and my alternate pennames. Hopefully if you've followed me in the past this means you will have new things to read (of varying quality and insanity). For instance, most of the crack I've written was posted elsewhere.
> 
> That's all. Thanks for reading. Please read lolo's story and drop her a review as well! Hers is actually worth it!
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Sirius


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